[x]

ThoughtsI'm so sick of not being perfect
I'm sick of hurting people
I'm tired of doing nothing right
I'm tired of holding back
Let me scream
Let me lash out
Let me show you the other side of me
And try telling me you still know me

Everything confined inside
It builds until I almost burst
My eyes grow heavy
My fingers claw at my arms
Tear out my hair
Twitch for the blade
I hold back
But I can only hold so much

Then I do it again
I screw up
I hurt
I break
And I fall again
Self-loathing is almost a comfort

I often wonder why
Why am I this way
Why am I messed up
Answers won't be found

I'm sick of hating myself
I'm sick of hidin

---I think it tricked me
this love for you
wrapped me up
in coloured paper
and butterflies
that suffocate in my attempt to breathe

I think it kills me
this love for you
like kittens
that drown
in the fast streaming river ( of my tears)

I think it consumes me
this hate for you
that we make into love
with whispered lies
that sounds promising
in renegade nights

I think it kills me
this absence
It jests me
consumes me
burns me
like a purifying inferno at the gates of heaven

I think
too much
and it kills me

this love for you

I don't understand honey...What?
I don't know what you're talking about honey
When you go on and on about all the bad shit you see
Every word you speak is leaking
leaking of sorrow
leaking of pain
I don't see it like that hun'
'Cause all I see is the good times we had
I see your smiling face
'cause you beat me in this game too
I hear your laughter
and teasing words
as I'm being all silly again
I feel your arms around me
as you pull me closer
in a hug to make me feel safe again
'cause you've scared me with that spider-thing again
All I see is smiling faces and sparkle-eyes
All I hear is a laughing couple sharing the secret of love
All I feel is butter

Just say goodbyeYou want to know my story
but are you really sure?
It's not like you can save me
not like you're the cure.

My story's on my body
it's hidden from the world.
To all of them I'm happy
just another girl.

I've got to say

Leave me alone, let me be
Please let go, can't you see.
I don't want anyone to watch me bleed and cry.
Just leave me alone, just say goodbye.

It's all hidden from them all
The pain inside my head.
And because I never told
it's always been like that.

There's nobody I know
that could ever understand.
I'm lost in all of my thoughts
lost in no-mans land.

Just go away

Leave me alone, let me be
Please let go, can

DestinyDestiny is a tramp
She brings two fools together
I don't believe in her
Atoms and particles and such
In this hemisphere collide
And we are just along for the ride
The fates are also a fallacy
I wouldn't believe in them if I tried
Because here I am
Where I don't want to be
I am damned
Either way
I have to say that it is not just good fiction
That there is friction
Magnetic attraction
We are a mass of emotions
Weathering away
It is crass
And only temporary
The way we are entombed in a body
We resume our day
In a daily way
Making choices and reflecting
But destiny
I have already said
It is all in your mind
She

My secretLet me tell you a secret
So listen carefully...
If you
if you take my hand
but let me lead
If you
If you would just trust me
when I say I'm not like them
If you
If you show me mercy
by wiping the tears of my cheeks when I'm sad
If you
If you let me feel home, safe and protected
just hug me tight and never let go
If you
If you would just have faith in me
Then I promise you one thing
I promise you will never ever have to be alone again
I promise you that love...

Horror Haiku: One Cold LoverI have a very
sweet love, though I'd say that she
comes off as quite cold

it's not the fact that
she has no head or hands or
she's rotten with mold

it's not that I've, with
so much grace, taken her arms
and eaten her face

I'd say it's more that
she never kisses back, and
she won't bat an eye

Oh, my dear reader,
surely you didn't think that
my love was alive!

SorryI'm sorry
for what I done
But you left me with
so much hurt
So many mistakes
Too mant regrets
Do you even care?
Did you ever
Forget it all

Fallen...I cannot find the words...
               They're drowning in my thoughts...
                                                     Choking on the air...

Cover It With InkI will not break another person in my life
Those who I have broken I will fix
I'm done with this thought that I'm nothing
Cause I'm something that no one will never be

I'm done crying myself to sleep
I will laugh at the thought
I will never pick that blade up again
Cause if I will cut something it will be paper

I will cut paper
With my pen
I will write my emotions
And I will not hide

I'm not evil
I will cut my paper
I will use my deadly weapon
I feel bad for the item I'm covering in ink

I know how it feels to be covered
I know how it feels to be cornered
I will not take any pills
This is my medication

I will learn
Somethi

Don't KnowI don't know what I feel.
I'm annoyed; too much so to think.
I don't want to know.
I don't want to eat, sleep or drink.
I just feel low.

Though I don't feel like crying.
I don't feel upset.
I don't want to hate.
Or do something I'll regret.
What is this state?

It's conflicting.
I don't want to smile.
I don't want to frown.
Not wait for it to leave after a while.
Whilst I sit here not feeling up nor down.

Music is not helping.
It's always been there.
Making me drift to the unknown.
I can just fade away and not care.
I don't feel content yet I don't feel alone.

I need something.
I want to be hugged.
But to push you away.

I think notTo you and to all
do you see my pain?
This agony within?
I think not

If you did
Would you let me be?
Who I am supposed to be?
I think not

Pain I feel
But I hide it so deeply
No one can see it
For I am hiding with invisibility
I can not see
I can not think
This agony, do you see?
I think not

Come up to breathe
The pain in me screams
I shout for help
But none received

I pull it out
Drag it across my wrist
Red springs up
Runs down my arm
I see the pain
Draining away
Do you?
I think not

I'm Sorry, and That's All I'll Ever BeI'm sorry that I break promises
I'm sorry that I lie
I'm sorry you felt like second place
I'm sorry I made you cry

I'm sorry for being who I am
When all I am is fake
I'm sorry for the pain I caused
And every single heart break

I'm sorry for taking you for granted
When all you had was love to give
I'm sorry for not giving you credit
When you're the only reason I live

I'm sorry for all your tears
And making you feel used
I'm sorry that I took our perfect love
And made it seem abused

But most of all I'm sorry
For simply being me
And hindering you from becoming
The best that you could be

What IfWhat if you had succeeded last year
Took enough to make your world go black
Those three words I would never hear
The friendship we wouldn't have got back

What if I hadn't asked to see you
Had already moved on
Did you want to see me too
Or were you already too far gone

What if you hadn't decided I was important again
I was only a vague memory
Where would we have needed to begin
For you to remember me

What if we hadn't got back together
Would we be better friends
Forget about you, I could never
I don't want this to be the end

To My PeersCan't you see, you could be so much more?
If only you would be strong enough to ignore,
These lables and lies,
That you actually despise!

But you follow the river wherever it flows.
Follow these trends that come and go!

And discriminate people like me,
Who aren't the way you'd like us to be.
Even though we're all the same!
I'm the black sheep, the one to blame.

But I know that I'm not a mistake,
And that you, my beautiful, are simply fake.
You are too insecure to speak your actual mind,
Wearing a mask everyday, but I can see behind.

And inside, I know how ugly and twisted you are,
I can see all the pain, every single scar.

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-title in text-~~ Minnesluckor och Ångest. ~~

Jag orkar inte med det.
Alla skrik, alla plågor och allt lidande.
Det förföljer mig och jag ser folk försvinna på hemska sätt.

Jag ser dom som tagit livet av sig.
Jag ser dom som lämnat familjen genom att ha tagit droger.
Vet ni hur många olika sätt det finns att dö på?

Minnesluckor. Jag orkar inte med dom.
Ångest. Jag vill inte ha dig kvar.
Tankar. Dom bevisar att jag inte längre är säker på vad som verkligen händer.

Regretting sins.Reapers are calling my name.
Demons are dragging me.
Angels, are you there?

Death is upon me and I don't know what to do.
I'm not ready to take the step and lay my head down.
I'm not ready to close my eyes for ever.
I'm not ready to pay my price just yet.

Call me weak. Or selfish.
But I know that I don't deserve to die like this.
I don't deserve to end up in hell.

There must be something I've done to match up with my sins..?
Something that can make God open the doors for me?
Something that at least gives me a second chance.

Father, please forgive me...

A small apocalypse.Dead soul that walks the earth.
We are taking over it.
Dead bodies ruling the world.
It's a nightmare and you can't control it.

This is the way we all shall end.
It's the way we fear.

It's the end and we all are screaming in pleasured agony from your pride.

~~

Afraid of life?I once told you a story, but you didn't believe it was real.
You told me that if I didn't stop telling you things as crazy as that, I would need help.

But you see, life isn't about believing what you can see and touch.
Life isn't about hoping that creatures in the night won't harm you.

Because if you ain't careful enough, they'll make you more than harm.
That, mate, can lead you to your death.

I am not trying to make you afraid of the dark.
Hell, I am not even trying to make you be more cautious.

No... What I am doing, is to make you understand that you're not alone.
You never are, not even when you're walking down what you think is

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Submitted: September 12, 2012
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For my own heart's sake, here it is for you

by ~cconstantine, Sep 12, 2012, 12:49:12 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

"Some people are meant to fall in love, but not meant to be together."
That's what they say, after what I've heard.
That's what they say and I believe in it.
"You're the one my soul has chosen"
those words are my own, and I believe in them as well.

But here's the thing; I believe in the first saying more.
I love you. I love you like there is no tomorrow and I haven't forgotten about you.
I will never forget about you.

But I have moved on.
I needed a life outside of you and now I have.
I miss you with all of my heart, but there's nothing I can do.

You see, I'm happy now. And even if I don't want to admit it, it's the truth.
I'm happy and I have another one to call mine. Someone else to call 'babe'.

I love him.
I love you.
But he's here and you are not.

I know we said forever so please do not hate me.
You know I'll always have you with me, even though I'm not yours anymore.

It's time for me to focus on how I feel for once.

For my own heart's sake, here it is for youby ~cconstantine

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

Just a point in my life where I felt the need to write some of it off.

-----

(I know I probably could've picked a better title, but I'm sick so give me a break :c )

~~love 0 0~~

joy 3 3

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

~ArcoIris-Gato Sep 14, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

I love this

Nicely written~

~cconstantine Sep 14, 2012 Student Writer

Thank you! ^^

~ArcoIris-Gato Sep 15, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

You're welcome~

~AngelofDarkness001 Sep 13, 2012 Hobbyist Photographer

I sure do agree and certainly this is going on with me now, surprisingly. I like what you wrote some people are meant to fall in love but not to be together forever. It's quite truth because anyone can make someone fall in love completely but it's the other person who isn't taking it so seriously. So despite the fact there are several heartbreaking souls who have gone through this same path.

In addition I really like it

~cconstantine Sep 14, 2012 Student Writer

Thank you so much! Especially for taking your time to comment, it really brightens my day even if the comment was about bad experiences, so to say.

~AngelofDarkness001 Sep 14, 2012 Hobbyist Photographer

Your very welcome,and yes indeed I sure did take the time to read it

, and understand it.

I glad it did.
Well most people experience differently which they in counter several unexpected things. Everyone goes through these things is common life

~cskadoz Sep 12, 2012 General Artist

love is limitless . . . love is life . . . keep loving! this rocks!

~cconstantine Sep 13, 2012 Student Writer

Thank you!

~WhiteWolf614 Sep 12, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

I had a very similar situation to this several times. It's hard to deal with, but not impossible to muscle on through

~cconstantine Sep 13, 2012 Student Writer

Not impossible, nothing is, but it is difficult from time to time. But I guess you know yourself how it is ^^

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For my own heart's sake, here it is for you

For my own heart's sake, here it is for youby ~cconstantine

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